Unrealistic expectations can be sneaky. “I should have figured out this drinking thing by now.” It’s something I hear a lot when people first start working with me.
I know this well. Being sick and tired of thinking about drinking. Sick and tired of letting myself down. Of not figuring this out. Being a high achiever in many other areas of my life and it felt as though drinking was a kind of blind spot. I thought I should be able to do this, I should be able to drink less and I should be able to learn from my mistakes. I told myself I should be old enough to know by now. These were all clear signs that I was harbouring unrealistic expectations.
It’s our brain’s way of setting expectations for ourselves, and these ‘should’ statements can become paralysing. We think things like: “I should be able to not drink tonight because that’s what normal people do,” o:r “I should be able to have a good time without drinking (though I don’t know how). We’re judging ourselves on what we believe should be attainable – then judging ourselves for judging ourselves! It’s a vicious cycle.
In today’s episode I explain how to spot unrealistic expectations, why dumbing down your goal won’t help and what to do instead for long-term success.
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